My appetite is finally lessening. I've gained enough weight from my eating binges.
I am sad.
- Feeling: sick
- Hearing: "Hold Yr Terror Close" by The Go! Team
It never happened. It never happened. It never happened. It never happened. It never happened.
I'm so tired. I don't have time for anything.
Break, hurry.
I wonder if anxiety is a side effect of these antibiotics. I hope so. I can't handle this actually being me.
- Feeling: sick
- Hearing: "Climbing Up the Walls" by Radiohead
I'm here.
I'm fucking depressed.
'd rthr b dd hnstly.
Ths wll hnt m fr th rst f my lf.
Vmt vmt vmt vmt.
- Feeling: tight
- Hearing: "Heart of Hearts" by !!!
Guess what.
I'm doing my economics review. Therefore, to make it last longer than it needs to, I'm going to do another survey because I have nothing to say.
I'm utterly blank and I'm not sure why. I should cut down on my social life maybe, because something is getting to me. Maybe it's the mind-numbing nature of hanging out with a bunch of stoners relatively frequently, watching television and fighting off drowsiness and losing.
I can't place it.
If you married the person you last texted, what would your last name be?
--Kirk.
What would happened if the last person you kissed, you had a kid with?
--I would die and he would die, unless we were married and much older and much more educated.
What did you do today?
--School, Hannah, Pei Wei, mall, shower, Boy, slept on Boy's couch because I'm constantly asleep on his couch, specifically when his friends are over, home, computerin'.
Do you know a secret about your last ex that would embarrass them?
--I don't have exes. But I guess I know quite a bit of dirty details about the last person I sort of had a "thing" with (but not really at all).
What is one fact about the last person who called you?
--She is my mother.
Last time you were on the phone?
--Well, the last phone call I made was at 11:12 PM but she didn't answer so the last time I actually talked to someone was 7:07 PM.
Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
--Myself. I like the weekends because I don't sleep alone then.
What color is your car?
--Invisible.
What kind of mood are you in?
--Lazy, tired, bloated. I realize that bloated is not a mood, but it is too true to ignore. I look like a whale.
Do you do your own laundry?
--Hell naw.
Are you getting engaged any time soon?
--No.
What's the best part about being single?
--I don't know. I feel about the same single as I do in a relationship, except for maybe more stable.
Do you watch "The Hills"?
--All the nights. I love Spencer and Heidi?! They are my favorite?!? I think I watched a minute or so on accident but that might've been Laguna Beach.
What did you do last Saturday night?
--FOOTIE PAJAMA SLUMBER NIGHT.
What are you thinking about right now?
--My throat itches. The expenditure approach in figuring GDP. If and when Boy will call me.
Wearing any bracelets?
--I have two black hair ties and two intertwined threads Sammmm made me.
Last thing someone gave you?
--Boy gave me goodnight kiss.
Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?
--Generally, yes. It's weird.
Are you any different now than you were a year ago?
--Very. I'm not on cocaine, or depressed, and semi-motivated.
Are you taller than your mom?
--Yessuh, I sure am.
Is anything upsetting you right now?
--My bloating, ugh. It's horridiculous.
What's the farthest away from home you have ever been?
--India.
Do you hate being alone?
--90% of the time. Unless I am around family members. Then I love solitude.
Are you tanned?
--My arms are so brown, damn Indian blood!
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
--I can't remember the last time I cried. I was probably alone, and it was probably a few tears shed from being PMS-y and emotional.
What's on your schedule for tomorrow?
--School, then senior pictures at 4.
Who do you not get along with?
--Quite a few people.
When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life?
--I'm generally constantly bothered by something.
If you could have one person with you right now, who would it be?
--Idk, Samm?
Does anyone know your password besides you?
--Yes.
Did you have a good day yesterday?
--No, it was kind of horrible.
Will you talk to the person you like again?
--Yaar.
Who were you with last night?
--Boy and his friends.
What woke you up this morning?
--My mom calling my phone.
Where are you?
--KEEETCHEN.
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
--I hope so.
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
--Yup.
When's the last time you cried?
--I CAN'T REMEMBER.
Passed out because of alcohol?
--Yes.
Would you take a bullet for anyone?
--Surely.
Where would you like to live?
--Everywhere.
What kind of home would you like?
--Minimalistic but nicer than decent.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
--A ballerina cum astronaut.
Who is your number one on myspace?
--Boy.
Who was the last person that left you a comment?
--Facebook? A man. Myspace? Sammmmmmm.
Are you friends with this person?
--Facebook? We get along on the internet. Myspace? Yes, but I miss her and our friendship is probably waning with distance. Phooey. ]:
How often do you log in to myspace?
--Daily.
How often do you change your main pic?
--Infrequently.
- Feeling: bogged down
- Hearing: "Truth" by New Order
I am bored. I do not want to shower. I do not want to study for economics.
So, here is this survey that both Jessica and Becca did.
Do you want a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I could use a couple of more boyfriends, and maybe throw in a girlfriend for variety.
How many texts are in your inbox?
Four. I recently cleared it out. My inbox gets full quickly.
When did your last hug take place?
Maybe around an hour or so ago. I hugged Boy goodbye or something.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Um, Boy. Last night. I haven't talked to anyone else on the phone since then.
Name one person who is the most like you?
I have a lot of similarities with all of my friends, for I do not like people who don't think like me.
Boy and I are frighteningly similar in certain ways, especially when it comes to taste. We both don't like grape-flavored things and prefer waffles over pancakes. His mother's birthday is like December 30th (I think) and my mom's is December 29th. We prefer Shiner over Heineken. Yeah. There's a lot of things. Those are just the ones that came to mind first.
Jessica and I think similarly sometimes. Sammmm and I have some things in common, like our other group of sober friends.
Do you get butterflies around the person you like?
Occasionally.
When was the last time you smiled?
Boy was singing along to Iggy Pop.
Does anyone like you as more than a friend?
No.
Who was the first person you talked to today?
Boy woke me up by kissing me (it was cute!) and I probably said something or other. Fuck, why is he involved in all of these answers?
Are you a forgiving person?
Yes.
What is something you really want right now?
My illness to be vanquished from my body! It's really a bother. I am fatigued and have not been able to think straight or keep my balance.
How late did you stay up last night and why?
Like, five or six because Boy wouldn't let me go to sleep earlier than that but then I fell asleep on his couch anyway and he carried me to bed despite my protests and my complaining about how my ass was hanging out and Chase was right there.
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Yeah, but I don't know where.
Do you prefer to call or text?
Calling is so much faster, but texting is convenient too if I don't want to be a bother, because then it's easier to ignore me.
When is the next time you will hug someone?
I have no idea!
What are you doing this coming week?
Schooling. That's all I know of.
Do you have any fun plans for today?
Nope. Studying for economics?
Do you know anyone whose name starts with a Z?
YES. I KNOW I KNOW SOMEONE NAMED ZACH OR SOMETHING.
Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
Well of course!
Who was the last person to buy you jewelery?
Probably my mom.
What did you do today?
I woke up, went with Boy to take his dog on a walk, we sat around and communicated, we had lunch, then watched a movie which I fell asleep during, I woke up, I got laid, sat around, then I went home, got on the interwebs, and finished a pint of ice cream.
What happened over the last two weeks?
September happened. It's still happening.
What'd you have for dinner?
Last night I had good spinach salad and a piece of pizza!
What's one thing you can't wait to do?
Take a shower and blow my nose.
How many tattoos do you have?
I have sleeves and a tramp stamp.
Ever kissed your number 7 on MySpace?
Nope, that's Ryan!
Last person you told a secret to?
I don't have secrets.
Status of you and the person you last kissed?
We're dating or something.
What are you listening to at the moment?
"Pueblo Domain" by Pavement.
Who did you last get into a big argument with?
Heavens, I don't know!
Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
I guess so, yes. And we're not best friends anymore.
If you could get back in touch with one person you've lost touch with, who would it be ?
I'm not sure. I don't feel like I'm missing anyone, other than Sammmm.
When will your next kiss be?
I'm not sure.
Do you have a best friend to lean on?
Yup.
What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
Asleep!
What was the last thing you hid?
A pack of cigarettes in a drawer.
What are you excited about?
Winter.
How do you make your money?
I ask for it.
Are you wearing make-up?
I have the remnants of yesterday's eyeliner around my eyes.
Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
Sort of. A lot of it is redder than it should be because of the burgundy hair dye from hell.
What was your first thought when you looked into the mirror this morning?
I dunno. I probably thought that I needed to adjust something and did so.
What happened at 10AM this morning?
I may have been asleep still, if not, then Boy was giving me a back massage and was telling me about how I have the most knots that he's ever felt.
What did you last eat?
Cherry Garcia Ben and Jerry's.
What was the last song you sang out loud?
"Bowl of Oranges" by Bright Eyes.
Do you have any brothers?
They are black.
Are you currently happy?
I'm okay.
- Feeling: yucky
- Hearing: Wolf Parade
Spell your name without the letter A:
FRIH.
How's your love life?
AWESOME.
When you're at home alone, do you still close the bathroom door?
I NEVER CLOSE MY OWN BATHROOM DOOR UNLESS THERE'S SOMEONE IN MY ROOM. I CLOSE OTHER ONES IN CASE SOMEONE COMES HOME.
Do you like your life right now?
YES.
What was the last item you bought?
MARSHMALLOWS, CHOCOLATE, AND GRAHAM CRACKERS.
What was the last thing you drank?
WATER.
What plans do you have for tomorrow?
SCHOOL. 
What or who do you hate?
MY FEET ARE TINGLY IN A BAD WAY.
Where was the last place you fell asleep?
A TENT IN HEATHER'S WOODS.
Do you have a best friend that is a girl?
YES.
How are things between you and your friends?
AWESOME.
What is your favorite romance movie?
I HATE ROMANCE MOVIES. I LIKE ETERNAL SUNSHINE A LOT. IT'S ACTUALLY A DRAMAROMANCE THOUGH.
Do you forgive or forget?
I USED TO.
What are you thinking about right now?
I REALLY NEED TO PEE.
Who was the last person to tell you they love you?
...I DON'T KNOW. PROBABLY A LAD. I DOUBT THE LAST PERSON WAS BOY.
Do you think they mean it?
YES.
What time did you go to bed last night?
SEVEN AM.
What are you currently doing?
PROCRASTINATING SHOWERING.
What did you do today?
WOKE UP IN TENT, TALKED, ATE HALF OF A MUSHROOM OLIVE PIZZA, SAT AT COMPUTER.
What was the last thing you ate?
MUSHROOM OLIVE PIZZA.
What are you listening to?
"I'LL BELIEVE IN ANYTHING" BY WOLF PARADE.
Who does it remind you of?
TYMORG.
What was the last movie you watched?
UM, UM...UM...I CAN'T REMEMBER. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE MUMMY THREE. I WANT TO SEE LARS AND THE REAL GIRL
What CD is in your stereo?
I HAVE IPOD.
What did you do last night?
I HAD SCHLOTZSKY'S WITH LILY AND RYAN AND THEN I WENT TO CAMPFIRE AND THERE WERE SO, SO MANY PEOPLE AND IT WAS SUCH A GOOD TIME.
Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
SOMETIMES LOUD SOMETIMES REASONABLE.
Are you a beach or a snowy mountain person?
UM, NEITHER. SNOWY MOUNTAIN.
What are you doing later?
IDK, STUFF.
Do you like/love someone?
YES.
Do you have piercings?
SIX.
Do you have any tattoos?
EIGHTEEN.
Have you ever been tied up?
YES, I LOVE BONDAGE.
Do you get distracted easily?
YES, VERY MUCH SO. I THINK I HAVE ADD.
What would you change about your life right now?
I WOULD CHANGE MY FREAKING SCHEDULE AT SCHOOL.
Do you have a guy best friend?
YES.
Who did you last hug and when?
HEATHER? I WAS LEAVING.
Do you live alone?
MOTHER AND SISTER LIVE WITH ME.
Can you keep a secret?
YES.
What was the best year of your life?
I DON'T KNOW. SEVENTEEN'S BEEN OKAY I GUESS. SOME YOUNGER YEARS WERE GOOD TOO MAYBE.
Have you ever played twister?
YES. NAKED, PUDDING, KANGAGROO.
Last thing received in the mail?
THINGS FROM COLLEGES, EW.
Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a letter "D"?
YES.
What about C?
YES, AND THE LAST "C" WAS THE BEST.
Do you have trust issues?
AIDS.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
LILY.
- Feeling: my foot is asleep!
- Hearing: "Just Like Honey" by The Jesus and Mary Chain
Your heart is racing, who are you standing next to?
The Jonas Brothers.
Would it hurt seeing someone make out with the last person you kissed?
Yes. I would probably burst into tears.
Are you easily scared by horror movies?
Oh, god, yes. They trouble my sleep.
Do you still turn to your parents for advice or comfort?
LOL NO.
Have you ever punched a tree?
I think that would lead to injury to my fist.
Anyone on your mind?
Yes, Boy because I have not seen him in a while and we're frighteningly dependent on each other. Or maybe that's just me.
If someone gave you 100 dollars, would you spend or save it?
Save it, probably. Or spend it on drugs!
Are you currently happy with your relationship status?
Yes. That is weird to say.
Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
No, not exactly. I think females are more complex emotionally, but I don't mean that in a good way. Really I just find human beings confusing because I don't understand certain motives for certain actions and feelings and, well, yes.
Is it hard for you to get over someone?
Yeah.
When's the next time you'll see your best friend?
I have no idea. I hope in September, but it's not all that likely.
What were you doing at 9 this morning?
Going to bed after drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes with Ryan and Samm's younger brother, Max.
Can you admit when you're wrong?
Yeah, easily. But I don't like being wrong anyway.
Do you fall for people easily?
Kind of? Probably. Okay yes. I am a sucker for any male attention, even when I do not like the male much at all. I just need the attention and get upset if he does not give me enough. Luckily I still do not have any major attachments to any males I have been semi-involved with in the past. Except for in the relationship that I am currently in. Fuck, it will be hard to let go of this one.
Everything happens for a reason?
No.
When is the last time you saw number 1 on your top friends?
On the television the other night while I watched Arrested Development at Boy's house with Boy and his buddies.
What are you listening to right now?
"Fantino" by Sébastien Tellier from the Lost in Translation soundtrack.
How has the week been?
It's had its ups and downs.
Is there something you would like to tell someone but can't?
I can't think of anything.
What are you stressed out about?
My current weight gain from the anxiety I am feeling from Samm's departure and school's upcoming.
Who was your last call from?
Boy.
On a scale of 1-10 how good is your life?
Depends on the day.
Did you speak to your father today?
LOL no.
Have you lost friends in the past years?
Yes, many.
Where is your ex?
LOL WUT?
Are you mean?
Yes.
Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Not exactly. I tell things to Boy but not always because I do not want him to think I am crazy or too troubled. I talk to Ryan but we can't really talk about certain things because I am a girl and he is a rather manly boy.
How do you feel right now?
Lazy.
How many people do you trust (Not family)?
Quite a few.
When was the last time you were told you were beautiful?
The day before yesterday. Being in a relationship is good for the self-esteem.
Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
Yes, but I've been trying to hold grudges and succeeding at it.
Anything you're looking forward to?
Visiting Samm one day.
Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
Yes.
What is the most ironic thing that's happened to you in a while?
I couldn't say. I am a fan of irony though!
Are you drifting away from someone you were close with?
Yes. Distance and detachment equals drifting.
Anything you're giving up on?
No.
When was the last time you cried?
I dunno. I'm sure it wasn't that long ago.
Do you miss anyone?
Yes.
Have you ever punched a guy?
Yes, but not seriously.
When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
All the time.
Have you ever broken someone's heart?
No way.
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
I like piercings, but I can't think of any that I really want anymore. I should go for another type of ear piercing.
Are you waiting for something?
Yes.
Can you keep a secret?
If I try to.
Do you have trust issues?
I trust people too easily but I'm still really insecure and feel like I could be betrayed at any point, though, I am relatively open so it would be hard to betray me.
Are you open with your feelings to people?
Yes.
How did you get the idea for your MySpace name?
It's my name repeated three times. Kind of like Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
Have you ever done something to make trouble?
Yaaaa!
What is the thing that you would most like to change about yourself?
Insecurities.
Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to in person?
I said hello to Coach Gaydumbshit (my faggy tenth grade English teacher) when I registered yesterday. So, I suppose, yes, I kind of do hate him.
Are you afraid of roller coasters?
In a sense. I would ride one, but still think that I'm seconds away from death for the whole experience.
What is your current annoyance?
My current weight gain.
Do you have a girl best friend?
Yes. I have plenty.
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
No, but I'll give them anyway.
Were you happy when you woke up today?
I suppose, because when I finally woke up completely from my slumber it was because Boy was calling me and I like Boy. But then he started talking about marijuana and the happiness wore off. Fuck.
Would you ever date someone who thought they knew EVERYTHING?
I couldn't handle that.
How long was your last phone call?
One minute and ten seconds. I called Heather.
Are you in a good mood?
No, but it's not too horrible.
Do you want to have kids?
No.
How many pictures do you have saved on your computer?
I don't know.
Is there someone you want to fight?
Miley Cyrus.
Do you like someone right now?
Yes.
The last person of the opposite sex to text you?
Boy, last night.
Do you like your cell phone?
Not at all. It's a piece of shit.
Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yes.
Do you get along with your parent(s)?
No.
Do you believe in true love?
This question is gayer than Clay Aiken.
- Feeling: spicy
- Hearing: "Herstory of Glory" by Do Make Say Think
Samm has left. I don't think I will handle the end of next summer well.
Dammit, high school and high school friends and the town you grow up in, why you gotta be so fleeting?
At least there are some memories captured in pictures. And then there's a few in my head, but who knows how long those will last.
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