IN MY PAANTS.
This is the most painful period ever.
Oh well.


Um so, I am excited. The day is nearing closer and closer to home!





I rode elephant.

I have a headache! I need to take out my contact lenses.

I'm PMS-ing and my mood swings are out of control and it's making being here unbearable and it's making me miserable and, jeez, I hope I'm better after I start bleeding vaginally. Delicious.

The boy and I are doing all right I guess. Anxiety is still killing me and I'm apprehensive about my return. I'm ridiculously insecure.

It's hot. I'm baking brownies at midnight. I'm getting enormous here.

I realized earlier today that my trip is six weeks long rather than five weeks long and then I died a bit on the inside.

I just got two more of my fake nails off! Yahoo. I'm trying to consciously stop my nail biting habit. The fake nails definitely didn't work. I just got another one off. Yay progress.

I'm getting really blank. We might go to Jaipur, Rajasthan. I'm looking forward to some change.



I'm blank.



I'm not seeing any improvement.

I will not let this trip be hell.

The URL to this site was on my cousin's computer's internet history. Have you been stalking me, cousin? I suppose that's okay. This journal is incriminating in much different ways than it once was.

Compton, get online. I don't think he will. I have a feeling this five weeks will just make us forget about each other.

I wonder if his admittance of being in love with me was serious or not.

God, really, I hope so. I mean, you know me and my cynical ways of thinking, but, come on.

Anxiety as to how this will affect our relationship is f#@$ing killing me.





Five weeks. Five weeks. I miss the Ladz. I miss Samm. I miss a lot of people, I guess.

It's only been two days. I suppose once my cousins and I get past the, "Hey, this is awkward because it's been two years since we last saw each other," the trip will improve.

I wonder when my grandmother will pass away. Her health's been detiorating (I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL THAT CORRECTLY TODAY) for the past few years. Maybe it'll be while we're here.

I cried a lot on the morning of my departure.

I'm good at blocking things out.







SIIIIGHHH. I need a cigarette.

Last night was notable. Well, I suppose it was earlyy in the morning.
May 26, 2008, eh?

How insaaaaaaaane.


Fun fun fun good times goodnight.

<sub>1. Do you remember the first person you kissed?
UNFORTUNATELY.
2.

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
Why, yes of course.
3.

Ever kissed an ex after you broke up?
I guess since I've never been in a formal relationship, I can count the informal ones. And yes. I did. It was a horrible time.
4.

Have you kissed anyone in your friends list?
I am friends with quite a few of people that I've kissed on MySpace and I suppose a few on Facebook.
5.

Ever made out with someone who was a really bad kisser?

Who hasn't?


YOUR---LAST---KISS---QUESTIONS

1.

The last time you kissed someone?
A small while ago.

2.

Was it a game? (truth or dare, spin the bottle, etc)
No, it was a good-bye peck.
3.

Was the person your age?
Two years older.
4.

Was it a bf/gf or just a friend?

Uh.
5. Do you regret this kiss?
Not at all. It's really awesome to not.



I've kissed someone:

[x] on the cheek
[x] on the lips
[?] on their hands.

[x] in my room.

[x] in their room
[x] of the opposite sex.

[x] of the same sex.

[Um. A girl.] a little younger than me
[x] a little older than me.

[ ] a lot younger than me
[x I think I made out with a 21-year-old when I was fifteen. I can't remember.] a lot older than me.

[x] blonde hair
[x] brown hair.

[x Seth Green!] red hair.

[x] black hair
[x Ahem. Girl.] shorter than me

[x] taller than me.

[x It was awesome.] with a lip ring.

[x] who was drunk.

[x] when I was drunk.

[x] in the morning.

[x] just before bed.

[x] who I had just met.

[x] who I really didn't want to kiss.

[x] on a bed.

[ ] in a graveyard
[x] at school.

[x] against a wall.

[This could have happened, but I don't think so.] at a show.

[x] at a playground.

[ ] in a pool.

[x] who was/is a good friend.

[x But it doesn't really count.] in the rain.

[ ] in the shower/tub
[x] in a car/taxi/bus.

[ ] on a plane.

[x] in the movies.

[x] in a bathroom.

[x] in the dark.

[ ] on a roof top.

[ ] under water.

[x] while I was driving/while they were driving.

[x] more than one person in a day
[x I am skanky.] more than one person in a hour.</sub>

You're One of My Friends

You are Courtney. You don't talk much in public and to strangers. Your world geography teacher is fascinated with you. When I first met you, I thought you were a little crazy because you talked about muffins, but then I realised you meant your cat. Take this quiz! Quizilla Join Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code

I'm really really all right with overlooking the whole kid thing.






I am so so so in like it's unbelievable.






I'm at a loss for words for how great I think boy is.






He is the bee's knees.






I am not a sappy person, but...






No one has ever made my face just utterly hurt because they make me smile so much.

You're right Courtney, those were the days. I was once a very very small part of the BraveJournal community.
I can't say I miss that though.


SO UM BOY = WONDERFUL AND I HATE THIS AND I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE THIS BECAUSE I CAN'T TRUST MEN AT ALL.
I mean, AHH I GENERALLY DON'T ABSOLUTELY GUSH ABOUT MEN BUT, like, wow. Seriously. Wow. I am wow'd by this person, despite the generic things he says to me that I shouldn't be falling for but I am anyway.

And now the (sexual) tension between us is gone thanks to Friday night. WEEE PERSONAL DETAILS.
This is srsly driving me CRAZY. I've probably never been happier to wake up next to a boy before. I FUCKING HATE THIS SO MUCH I AM SO LAME FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I am obviously afraid of relationships. But then again, how could I not doubt things? You know. You know about the babiez. And the fact that he's notorious for...stuff.

Sigh sigh sigh.

You know what's crazy? I've only made out with TWO BOYS this ENTIRE YEAR so far!
I am much less slutty than I once was. Like when I was fifteen. And sixteen. Goddamn.



Balls.

I'm giddy for a new male in my life. A very new male. Someone that I don't know much about. But HELLO I AM A SUCKER FOR ANYONE THAT HAS A SIMILAR TASTE IN MUSIC AS ME.

I mean, a shared love of Animal Collective?
Can we please just have sex already?

That is me kidding.
But, unfortunately, with my numerous issues with males, and the expected smack I hear about whoever I get involved with, I just...don't know.

There's an obvious mutual attraction. I mean, hell yeah, he's fucking hot. And I've been showered with enough compliments to believe that he thinks the same of me.

And that's really nice. I absolutely thrive off of male attention. It's not a good trait to have.

I wonder how my counselor will feel about new boy. Not that I really care about her opinion. I'm just quite curious.


My sentences are real real short.

Tell me, should I be put off by the fact that he texts me after we hang out? Or the fact that he graduated when I was a freshman? Or the fact that he's so attractive and smart and funny and likable that I'm sure there's other girly competition?



WHY AM I NOT ASEXUAL.


I don't know. I suck. Yeah. I REALLY NEED TO GO TO BED OKAY BYE.

Yes. I will name my baby Heather when I have it in four months, regardless of sex.

I've been in a crazy music listening mood lately. Explosions in the Sky has sounded fantastic, but I've never been much for instrumental rock.
And then the Pixies and the Smiths have sounded nice.
And I just bought the rest of a Weezer album! I don't know if this means anything to any of you, but it's weird and out of character for me, okay?



Man, I cannot deal with life.